Washed away!

An exquisite pearl nestled on
the delicate bend of
a verdant olive blade;

That gentle venerate breeze
was just beginning to attempt
to court the demure divine bead;

When that sullen dark sky
bellowed in distraught,
and let out its fury.

The deluge that followed
washed away the traces
of what might have been
a wonderfully romantic morning.

(P.S. Please indulge me, I am trying to find my way back.)

Celebrating the month of love…

Come February, and it is the time for falling hearts and striking cupids … the overkill of red and pink everywhere … mushy puppy love spilling over the Valentine week … It is also the time for the self proclaimed custodians of the Indian culture to resort to bullying tactics, and then the pink chaddi campaigns in protest!

My take on St. Valentine celebrations is simple – I love the gifts and attention from my significant other – and I don’t mind if Valentine’s Day is the excuse. I quite enjoy the paraphernalia – though mostly commercial – that mark the alleged “love month” - and as long as there’s no serious ill-will on any side, nobody’s heart minds a little fluttering, does it? More details in my post here.

However, the best part of February is the fact that it rains saccharine sweet romances on the idiot box all month long. The sucker for such sickeningly sweet nothings that I am, I love cozying up to my favorite love stories on TV, watching them all over again, for the nth time!

Here are my top picks (in the order in which I recall them :)):

Gone With The Wind

The mother of all romance films. True love can endure anything.

Serendipity

The name of the movie is as beautiful as the movie it self! The concept of fortune discoveries is so romantic…

Love Story

Based on Eric Segal’s novel by the same name, is one of the most romantic tragedies ever.

Love Actually

Set in London, with predominantly British actors, the interwoven 10 tales in the five week countdown to Christmas is an all-season treat!

Notting Hill

There’s something irresistible about British romances! The movie has a magnificent dream like quality to it. And Hugh Grant is a treat, always!

Titanic

The epic romance on the ill-fated ship…

P.S. I Love You

I have said this before – this movie reinstills your belief in love but breaks your heart.

Moulin Rouge!

This stylish musical is a love anthem all the way!

The Notebook

The poetically serene story of a couple in love, separated by class, joined in marriage, estranged by dementia and then finally reunited for ever in death. A classic.

50 First Dates

The Hawaiian romance with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore along with the unique memory problem thrown in makes for an “awwww…” experience!

When Harry Met Sally

The different perspectives on relationships and yet the binding force remains the same – love!

Pretty Woman

This one only for the suave Gere and his fantastic chemistry with Julia Roberts.

(Image source for all pictures: Wikipedia)

Has marriage killed the girl in you?

When The Bald Guy () posted this tag on his blog, I immediately added it to my list of must-do’s, and after a sort of hectic week I finally get the time to take this head on.

The above question and a host of associated questions, including those below (reproduced from TBG’s tag), are ones that I have asked and answered so may a times myself.

Asked less, answered more than a trillion times – friends, relatives, colleagues, and even random strangers!

I think my replies have varied only slightly based on my mood and disposition at that moment in time. Here I make a conscious effort to introspect, retrospect, and ummm, well, to be honest.

Before I bring on the volley of Qs, some basic facts – Well into my 20’s, I have been married to the love of my life for more than three and a half years - and, oh boy, you could pass me as “well married”!

The Qs…

• Are you more programmed, more regulated in your thoughts and deeds?

A definite yes! I have learned to think twice before I speak and act (in most situations I try to restrict my tongue-in-cheek responses to myself or to a close circle of dear ones), and coming from me, believe me, that takes a huge effort!

I am definitely more politically correct, diplomatic, and conforming to established institutions than I was a couple of years back.

This programming manifests itself in subtle ways – I am more patient with relatives and extended family, I try to think from the other’s point of view (however I dumb it may be to start with :D), I have learnt to make allowances for nosey, pesky people around :p: :p.

• Or are you simply calmer? Assuaged?

If I take this as a continuation of the previous question, my actions and reaction are definitely more controlled and in line with expectations, but somehow, (even though it may sound contradictory) the raving lunatic in me is not cured.

Assuaged? My husband will do a double somersault laughing his head off if I respond in the affirmative.

I am still the crazy person my friends and family swore on way back! My idiosyncrasies remain intact (touch wood) irrespective of the waves of time that keep crashing in!

I am still bonkers enough to break into a dance in the middle of the road, have ice cream for three meals a day, make inappropriate comments in public and then laugh out loud in an “unlady-like” fashion, threaten my husband with a call to 911 if he tries waking me up early in the morning (in India, can’t threaten him with 100 coz - it's seldom answered), and make him blow balloons and decorate the cake-knife with a fancy ribbon to celebrate my birthday!

• Are you still in love?

With whom? :D

Ok, honestly, a resounding YES - Am still very much in love (phew, thank god!) – with the person I married, with the wonderful family and friends I share my life with, and with the blessed life god has bestowed on me.

• Or are you simply loving? Caring, fond and loyal..?

I wonder why this question begins with an ‘or’. Am I in love or am I simply loving?

Hell yeah, I am in love and I am loving to those who love me back!

I am no angel or saint; I care for people who matter to me.

I am fond of all the people I willingly include in my everyday life.

I am fiercely loyal to my loved ones - friends and family.

Marriage has not changed a thing or the intensity when it comes to love and loyalty. I was always the way I am now!

• What does marriage do to you?

Lots :D!

Marriage makes you fall in love with your beloved all over again. Nothing like waking up to the brightest sunshine in your life.

Marriage convinces you that you made the best decision ever, coz there would be no other man in the whole world who would bring back the entire medical store for a slight cut.

Marriage makes you hate the guy you married when all his promises of love and never ending support are sacrificed at the altar of a stupid cricket match!

Marriage exasperates the life out of you when good-for-nothing relatives and well-wishers are waiting for the ever elusive “good news”.

Marriage makes you believe in the K-serials when you disagree with your MIL on the color of the curtains.

Marriage provides the much needed privacy from the ever-so-curious world outside. Finally, you can be there for each other, always, without having to explain your relationship status.

Marriage makes you independent and responsible and secure. People suddenly start taking you more seriously.

Marriage makes you dependent – this one person controls your emotional and mental well being – almost completely.

Marriage teaches you that life is not perfect as the Mills & Boons and Yash Chopras of the world will have us believe. There are tiffs, and there are misunderstandings, and it takes a lot of hard work to keep it all together for the sake of love.

But as in the end of all love stories, it is always well worth the effort you put in!

• And finally the big one: Has marriage killed the girl in you?

NO! I would never let that happen. Vish would never let that happen. Though he would be happy if the girl in me grew up a bit in-keeping with my age, I still choose to believe he’d rather I stay the person he fell in love with – it is the complete package you get, as we both often joke!

Having said that, life has its own way of moulding you into a more mature and understanding being.

With marriage comes a new chapter in your life, with new characters, new story lines, new plots, never-before-been-in situations, not-trained-for experiences but the individual that is you remains and must remain essential to the core – whatever be the story!

Dreams don’t come true by making wishes on shooting stars, but don’t stop dreaming.

Love is also about you taking the first step forward no matter how huge your ego is, but don’t stop loving.

He seems to suffer from the most incurable form of amnesia when it comes to dates – your first date, the date he proposed, your parents’ birthdays! But don’t stop celebrating (kick him, for sure!)

Miracles don’t happen always as per expectations, but don’t stop believing in them.

Faith and hope make the world go round!

Marriage is about accommodating, including and sharing, but don’t compromise the individuality and the uniqueness that define you.

Marriage is about being the doting wife, the responsible daughter-in-law and eventually the loving mother, but don’t let the girl in you die.

She should be the beautiful, inimitable foundation on which you build your life.

2 States

Inspite of the fact that I am no big Chetan Bhagat fan, I could not resist the temptation of picking up a copy of 2 States on a recent visit to a book store.

2 States could pretty much be the story of my marriage too, except that it was lacking in all the dramatic paraphernalia, the dysfunctional family syndrome and the extreme emotions that make up Chetan Bhagat’s novella.

I do not think there exists another nation so diverse in its cultures, peoples, beliefs, and languages as India. Travel from one end to the other and you would be asking yourself if it was the same country?

My boss in LA once asked me, so was it a cultural shock when you first landed here? I was like not at all. We Indians have enough cultural shocks traveling from one state to another that it is actually a relief to be in a place where all people atleast speak the same language.

What happens when a UP Brahmin girl brought up and based in Delhi decides to marry the “purest of pure” Tamil Iyer boy from Madras (Chennai, it is now)?

Ofcourse, there are the initial fireworks – My dad asked me in disbelief, “Are you serious?” I was. The “how’s”, when’s”, “who’s”, and “why’s” followed.

The most difficult is obviously the WHY!

“Why do you want to marry him?”

I like him.

“Why do you like him?”

He is nice

“But why him?”

No answer to that one!

The next set of questions, even more flabbergasting.

“Why did you not tell me?”

What am I doing now? I am telling you.

“No, why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”

When what happened? I love him and want to marry him, and I am telling you that.

“Why didn’t you tell me when you fell in love?”

No answer to that one too!

Fortunately, the course of our love was not very turbulent. My mom readily agreed. Vish’s parents were also very welcoming.

My dad took some time but happily came around after asking a trillion and more questions such as how will his hyperactive, slightly spoiled, “feminist” and completely stubborn daughter adjust in Chennai, in a South Indian family set up; the distance between Chennai and Delhi (I forget in what unit); what about the language barrier, how will Vish handle fights and my mood swings (not that my dad doesn’t think much of me, I think he wanted to give Vish the worst picture possible in the vain attempt to dissuade him :)!); family background (so important in an Indian wedding); can the wedding be in Delhi – North Indian style?;

And patiently Vish did answer in great depth and as genuinely as he could – I am sure he did not know the actual distance between DEL and MAA – I think, love makes you patient and persistent ;)!

Then, came the onslaught of curious relatives: Is he dark? (And I thought “fair” was considered important for a woman); Does he speak in a madrasi accent? (Is our Delhi/UP accent something we should be very proud of); They consider fish vegetarian, no? (No!); Does he always wear a lungi? (WTF!); Do they get fresh milk in Chennai, there are hardly any cows seen on the streets of Chennai! (Ok, do the stray cows in Delhi supply the milk?); Do you get atta – wheat flour, they only eat rice, no? (That’s a genuine question :)); Do they wear silk all year round? (Kinda, but silk is a natural fiber!); Do they have pubs and malls in Chennai…do people go to discs? (Yes, please ignore the ignorant North Indians); Do they cook all their food only in coconut oil? (Cudn’t give a damn!); South Indian men like only “healthy” women no – u see all those movies. (No response to that one!)

Our families coming together brought in a lot of cross cultural awareness. Many myths were shattered, and some firmly reestablished.

Everybody learned a few facts, first ofcourse, that there is more to an Iyer Madrasi than oiled hair, geeky looks, engineering degree, and overseas relatives; Tamilians have tasted inter-state and international cuisines, though curd rice still remains their favorite dish; Not eating “paneer” does not make them any less normal; Delhites are more flamboyant but we also observe traditions like they do in the south – only maybe not at early morning unearthly hours; We do not and cannot understand how a DJ can be substituted by Carnatic Music at a wedding; Just like everybody in the south is not from Madras, everybody in the north is not from Punjab;

More importantly - Moms on both the sides are fiercely protective of their sons; Relatives in both the states can get pesky; Everybody loves gifts;

And most importantly finally it’s not what community you belong to but who you are that makes all the difference – Generalizations are superficial!

All’s well that ends well, they say, and I agree. The wedding went off smoothly – North Indian style with my dad making some improvisations like making me sit on his lap for the “taali” (any need!) – and yes, I did wear the complete nine yards during the “pheras”.

Post the wedding, life’s changed – only slightly.

Sambhar-sadam goes along pretty well with paneer makhani, as does masala dosa with chhola bhhatura ;)!

World War III of Love

Just when I was thinking that TV watching was getting mundane, and reality shows becoming increasingly monotonous if not totally incongruous, MTV comes to my rescue with Splitsvilla 3, “where love is war”.

Well, for the uninitiated, this show is not about love; it is about a bunch of desperate youngsters craving for publicity on national TV in the vain hope that one day they will be transformed into a la Nikhil Chinappa or Purab Kohli, or get a breakthrough in one of the numerous saas-bahu sagas, or land up a modeling assignment, or, stretching imagination a little too far, even get to star in a bollywood flick.

Couples and singles in a villa bonding, rebonding, fighting, clawing, abusing and getting dumped – that in a nutshell, Ladies and Gentlemen, is Splitsvilla for you.

But, my criticism of the show ends right here. This reality show offers mega entertainment value. I could hands down give it a top slot in the most asinine yet highly amusing TV serials of all times. It’s a complete package encapsulating the gamut of human emotions – there is looove (supposedly, yes), hatred, anger, jealousy, cat fights, crocodile tears, failed attempts to woo the king and queen and pride and vanity, and the list goes on.

The highlights are ofcourse the RSRs (road side romeos) with the funny and unmistakable North-Indian accents who, had it not been for MTV, would most likely meet you down the road and propose to you “descent fraandship”; The “babes” with little clothes and lesser common sense – crude and crass, yet the fake British accent – even when they speak in Hindi or Punjabi. (To be fair, there are some exceptions, but not noteworthy :)).

What entertains me? All this.

A hectic work week, a lazy Saturday, boring soaps, movies with too many ads – who would mind unintelligent humor at the cost of desperadoes who are at their “real” best, with the channel extracting every idiosyncrasy (I swear I don’t blame them one bit) to create an hour of hysterically laughable moments.

There is still sometime for this show to reach the “dumping zone”!

Love Jehad

In an earlier post, I had talked about the complexity and heartache behind a girl changing her name after marriage. However, I realize this could be a much smaller issue, when compared to the ‘love jehad’ or ‘romeo jehad’ talked about in a news snippet here.

Apparently, some groups in Kerala are concertedly working on converting Hindu girls to Islam after they fall in love with Muslim boys.

I can’t even decipher the plethora of emotions that crossed my mind and heart as I read the article. It is not only to do with the status of women in our society even in this day and age; it also has not much to do with questions on will men convert instead; it is about introspecting on our own religion and our own god!

Ofcourse, this is no breaking news to any of us; we all have at some point or the other heard of such conversions in an inter-religion marriage – Hindu-Muslim, Hindu-Christian, Christian-Muslim. However, each time I read a story of coerced transition in the name of love and religion, I cringe in fear.

Every religion says one God, every religion says respect the other – If there is one God, and each religion simply sees a different manifestation of the same super power, we are doing a great injustice to our concept of God or the Almighty by forcing one to change his or her religion.

It is unfortunate that how the history of human kind unravels the degenerative association of God with religion, religion with traditions and beliefs, traditions and beliefs with division, division with hatred, and hatred with bloodshed.

This day...that year

Yes, it has been two years since we tied the knot. It's been a roller coaster really. Many of my friends comment that I am now "well married"; I wonder what they mean but somehow I still feel I am not "married enough" :).

It would take me an eternity to recap these two years that just flew by. The memories of February 19 2007 are so vivid in my mind. The whole wedding paraphernalia, the grandeur of the day, the intermingling of the joy of anticipation of a brand new phase and the sorrow of physically moving away from the family that is at the core of my being. Gosh, the big fat Indian wedding is no trivial task. It requires solid stamina, emotional support, meticulous planning and most importantly immense patience (the constant flow of curious relatives and friends, and what not).

Life's moved on, smooth sails and rough ones too, high tides and low tides but then life is always what you make it!

Love is in the air...

...or so we hope :).

Naah, I am no ardent St. Valentine believer or follower but I don't mind the usual stir around Valentine's Day...the stupendously priced roses, the overkill of red and pink on newspapers, card and gift galleries and all magazine covers, and ofcourse the silly, yet extravagant dinner and luncheon buffets organized everywhere - from your local restaurant to the five-stars.

I don't disagree that the day of lovers is nothing but a commercially fueled phenomenon; add to that the peer pressure of outdoing each other in making your loved one feel special - the perfect recipe for boost of sales of any retail enterprise. But, you know what- it's cute as well.
Young school and college students holding hands and sharing the same icecream with the so called love of their life - most of these loves don't even last through the semester. Then, ofcourse are the more serious types, the extremists and all that. Yawn, I'll let them pass - don't want to lambaste them today.

My personal experience with the fourteenth day of February has not been very noteworthy. In school, all instances were spent giggling and linking friends to everyone possible. College years were spent trashing all these giddy and lovey-dovey theater smooching couples (for the uninitiated, these are the couples that are at their intimate best only in the darkness of the movie halls); by the way, one of the Valentine's was spent writing the CAT (MBA entrance). And then another one working.

And then, love happened - the last two years before my wedding were spent in exchanging adorable tokens of affection. The best one has been the music composition that Vish created for me. I think it was most unique and romantic.

This is my second Valentine after marriage and as we laze around teasing each other how unlike the "before" years, we are not running helter-skelter to surprise each other, and would rather best the spend the day relaxing, eating good food and catching a couple of movies, we realize that Valentine's day is much-ado about nothing - blown out of proportion, not only by the youngsters and bollywood, but also by the likes of Ram Sena. Today Valentine's day is all about the pink-chaddi campaign, the hug-karo and pub-bharo andolans and media-hype. My advice to those smitten by the love bug (never mind if it's for real or not), just chill, sit back and enjoy, do what you what to do - and for those who are averse to it, the rebels without a cause - please get a life or atleast a "real" cause...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Goons and moral policing

It has happened so many times, in so many places: Delhi, Meerut, Bangalore, Mangalore. The self-proclaimed moral police pick up broomsticks to clean the society.
And, this cleaning involves physical violence, lathi charges and indiscriminate abuse perpetrated against the "wrong-doers", the "immoral" souls and the "westernized" thought-bearers, who are primarily between the ages of 17-30; choose to club-hop, take a stroll on the beach with their friend, engage in some sort of intimacy in the public parks away from the prying eyes of their families, get a little over-mushy at the idea of Valentine's Day, sit a little too close in the theater playing the recent romantic flick, date in Mc Donald's and Cafe' Coffee Day and most importantly are normal human beings who get attracted to other human beings of the opposite sex (or the same sex) and want to be with them.

The images of the frenzied brutality by the likes of RSS, Bajrang Dal, BJP, Shiv Sena flashed on all the news channels for the past fortnight have left me aghast. In the name of Indian culture, the country is breeding a pedigree of barbarous goons. These ruffians slap a girl who is walking with her boyfriend but have the most number of illicit affairs possible. They proclaim on national media that a woman and a man should hold hands only if they are married but pretend blissful ignorance of what their kids are upto in the very same dating places. They want women to wear Indian clothes as any western outfit is the hallmark of a characterless woman, but they secretly lust after sleazily dressed women in all the C and D grade movies. Frustrated with themselves, perverted to the core and vicious in mind and spirit, they threaten to change the face of the modern India.

What is the difference between these law breakers and the much terrified Taliban? Both equal in mindless cruelty, total disregard for respect of the other, desecration of social, communal and national ethos and complete religious aberration. I don't care what party or god they belong to or beleive in; they surely do not deserve to be treated as human beings and the law enforcers of this country need to ensure they get the worst possible punishment.

What a woman or man drinks, wears, watches and with whom he/she goes out with or sleeps in with, as long as done with one's own individual freedom of choice is nobody's business. We are a free, sovereign country and we are adults; we can manage our liberty. We do not need moral policing by a set of b@#$%^&s with unenviable criminal records. Spare us please; do not fetter our freedom, our spirits.